Lonely...i feel lonely. That's cuz I am lonely. I see lots of people passing by me: my colleagues, my friends, my family, skinny people, fat people, ugly people, good-looking people...all sorts of people. And still I feel lonely. Not only loneliness is obscuring my heart, but envy and frustration too. Happy people are killing me. Almost literally! And it's awkward and stupid but it's true. I am glad for their happiness but how about mine? When will I be happy? Why can't I be happy now? I wanna be happy now, not later, NOW.

What can I do to reach the sweet feeling of happiness? As far as I know, there's nothing I can do. Well...that's hard to accept. I'm a logical thinker so it seems normal to me that I should be able to make myself happy. But i cannot. I can't change things. I'm not able to change things to make myself happy, to make myself ohh not so lonely, to fill the void that's taking over me.

So I comply. I quit, give up, whatever you wanna call it. I'm a loser. I lost this fight. Can't do it anymore. Won't pretend anymore.